Can someone remind me why I had kids again?

Today is not quite your normal day around here. Both Bekah and Keren spill milk on themselves not long after we get home from taking the girls to school. I ran a bath for them and put them in it. Thinking I could trust them I left and went back into the living room to do more research on the computer for HS stuff. Well, stupid me. You can never trust a Clark child.
I went back into the bathroom to check on them and found them dumping water on the floor by the cup fulls. Amazingly I stayed calm (if i hadn't im sure i would have regreated my next actions). The bathroom was completely flooded. So now on top of the mountain of cloths to wash i also have bath mats and towels i used to sop up the water for 20 minutes. I put the kids in bed and told them they had to stay there until we went to go pick up the girls. We have one of those childproof doorknob covers on the inside of the door so I was confident they couldn't get out. I laid down to take a much needed nap. When I woke up I realized i had underestimated them again. A whole bag of cheerios were scattered and smashed all over the same bathroom floor. I think I have had it with children. I am ready to go to bed and start over tomorrow. Oh, wait, I can't do that, I still have half of the day left.

We are getting ready!

Hannah has 2 more days left of school after today. I am feeling a bit guilty for taking her out. I know her friends mean so much to her and she really loves her teacher. She goes back and forth between being sad and being excited about doing school at home. I am very excited as well.
Her birthday party will be on Saturday so she will get to see her friends again then. (Ohh! I gotta go order that cake!)
I have contacted some people through a Homeschool Yahoo group here and we are setting a weekly park day. We will meet around 11:30 for a pic-nic lunch and then have time to play and socialize. Hannah will love this and it will give her a great chance to make some new friends.
I went to Children's Books in Lyman yesterday. That place is crazy overwhelming. There is sooooo much there to look at. If you don't already know what curriculum you want to use it can be quite confussing. We got the Horizons K Math curriculum. I am going to start Hannah about half way though and Bekah in the beginning. I hope to have Bekah caught up by next year so I won't have to teach 2 math lessons.
Besides the Horizions I will be continuing Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. I have also found a handwriting curriculum on-line that follows along with this.
We will be going to the library to explore insects and animals and to learn about countries. I have decided to have the kids make lapbooks to document what they have learned about these topics. This is a new concept to me and looks like so much fun. I also bought the girls some journals that have blank space at the top to draw pictures and write about it. I hope that they can journal about what we learn. This will be more difficult for Bekah but it will be good to practice letter and sentence formation and will give her an idea of what is to come.
Here is a video I found on lapbooking that got me excited about it:

There's no place like home

We finally took a step toward home. Home schooling that is. Even before Hannah was born I knew I wanted to homeschool, but over the years my ADD has made me afraid to try. What if I mess her up. What if after 2 years of failure I put her back in school and she is behind. These are the fears that lead me to put her in Kindergarden in the public school this year. Though we have really loved her teacher and have been so pleased with the quality of the school, that ever present desire to homeschool has not left. I have missed Hannah. Though Hannah and I clash more that the others (we are very much alike), I have come to realize just how much I miss her sweet sensitive self. Since Polly has come to live with us it has strenghtened the need for homeschooling in our home. To begin with we tossed around the idea of bringing Hannah home next year for first grade, but as time has gone on we have realized that the need is much more immediate. Polly has many needs and requires much time spent with us. I have felt a great strain in giving Polly the attention she needs while not neglecting Hannah's needs. I have time with Rebekah and Keren while Hannah and Polly are at school but there is no time with Hannah. Polly is struggling with the adjustment of moving into our family and this comes with stress on her and the rest of the family. Hannah is getting lost in this. I came to the decission to bring Hannah home based on these factors. I will be able to spend time with my three kiddos durring the day while Polly is at school and will be freed up to give Polly the time and attention she needs in the afternoon without feeling guilty. I have spoken to the school and have already signed up with an accountability organization that will keep me legal. We will bring Hannah home on Monday the 25th. Now that this decision has been made I feel so great about it. On Friday, I took Hannah out of school early and we went to a homeschool valentines party. I am looking at curriculum and making plans. I really feel that this is a good choice for our family and the fear is gone. I have a total peace about this now. All this time, I have wanted to do this and fear has heald me back. Now that I have been pushed into it by our situation and have found it so freeing.

The Merry Ole Land of OZ

I feel as if I have had a tornado come along, lift up my life and land it in a land that is upside down and inside out, but it doesn't feel merry. Things are so peaceful while the girls are at school. Rebekah and Keren play nicely together. Then Keren takes her nap and Bekah comes and has snuggle time with me. All is right with the world.
Then 2:30 comes along and it is time to pick up the girls from school. As soon as they crawl into the car the fighting begins. She said this and she did that. I wanted to play this and she wouldn't let me. She hit me so I hit her back, and the tears - oh the tears. It is enough to put me in a mental institution.
I don't understand why one feels the need to be hateful to the other all of the time. Shaping a heart is a very hard job, and sometimes I am afraid that the wrong childs heart is being shaped in the opposite way. How our lives have changed in the past 3 weeks.
I feel so insufficent for this job. Just going to the grocery store this afternoon was trauma. Even when they are all happy the decibel level is enough to burst an eardrum. My patience hangs by a thread and I am afraid I have been loosing it more lately.
There has been a true blessing in all of this. I have had the opportunity to see the Spirit in my 5 year old. Before we debated weather or not she truely understood what it meant to give her heart to Christ and to become a believer. Since Polly has come to live with us we have seen Fruit demonstrated in ways we have never seen before. Hannah handles Polly with a certain grace and forgiveness that is uncommon for a child her age. She prays for her on her own innitiative with a strong sincerity. She has expressed her love and care for Polly to her in the midst of receiving a hateful spirit in return.
Hannah has a mood disorder. She is an extremely sensitive child and does not hold up well under extreeme stress, yet the grace she has extended in the midst of hurt feelings and broken hearts has been extraordinary. I am very proud of her.
I miss her very much. The only time I have with her, Polly is home too. If I try to hold Hannah and talk with her Polly wants to climb up in my lap too. I have no quality time with Hannnah anymore and we are suffering for it. I understand that Polly needs this too, especially since she is separated from her mother currently but I have to find a balance between helping Polly and protecting my family. It is hard to do.
Rebekah is just kind of along for the ride. She is used to being the follower so having one more person to follow is no big deal to her.
Keren has been acting out more lately. She realizes that Mamma just doesn't have the attention and time to stay on her and make her obey as much. I feel aweful that I have neglected this but I still try to get in snuggle time with her.
Joy is harder to come by these days, but as I said, the blessings still remain. This is definately a time of growth and character development... for all of us.
Oh... there comes my sweet Hannah, prehaps I can get some time with her, just the two of us.

Life is Good because God is good

Interesting title for the state of life we are living in. It is quite a season, Hard to tell if it is winter or spring, though I'm praying for spring. It could be the winter but all things must die so they can be made new.

John, my wonderful DH is in gradschool at North Greenville University. He is getting his masters in Christian Ministry. He is also working at our Chruch, Shannon Forest 30 hours a week. We feel very blessed by this and it really is the perfect job for him.

Now let's back up a bit. John is a soldier (that would make me an Army wife). I have followed him across the U.S. and back. We have 3 beautiful children all born in different states. Hannah is 5, Rebekah is 4, and Keren is 2 DD #3 our beautiful baby girl Keren was born while he was in Iraq. That was a very interesting season in life.

We are now back home thanks to the Army's generous offer to send John to school to get his Masters Degree. When he graduates he will be a comissioned officer in the army.
Because of this he also has to take ROTC and all of the demands that go with it along side of his full load of graduate classes and working and being a husband to one and father of three.

Need I say that he is never home? Ok, never is a bit of an exageration. For example, he was home last night, and awake for the entirity of it writing a paper. I guess I should say that he is rarely home at times when the girls and I are awake.

3 weeks ago we took our neice Polly into our home. She is 6 months older than Hannah our oldest and they are both in Kindergarden together. There have been some major adjustments in our family as of late. Polly and Hannah clash and with Hannah's very sensitive heart she has had a very difficult time. Polly has been very upset and misses her mother and I am trying to juggle everything.



Still, life is good. There are many blessings bistowed on us daily. Our church has rallied around us in countless ways. God's provision is always perfect to meet our needs. He has emptied me of myself and set my eyes on Him. Life is Good because God is Good.